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Comment Gold has a new home on Tumblr. Don't cry, Blogger lovers. Tumblr is pretty. Now, everything should have ported over seamlessly, and you should have been redirected to the new website, which is still at commentgold.com, or RSS feed. If not, join the party.

Beat box chick

She's impressive because she does the rippity-rap beat boxing thing. Usually guys do that. And she's pretty good-looking.

m0rn1n6s74r says

I love what she can do with her mouth...

soonermandan says

I'd beat her box

mambanamba says

humans are weird

Elephant rides: This wasn't in the brochure

That looks like fun all around.

monkeysmasher says

Everyone in that picture just really wants to get off.

MrInfallible says

Fucking Elephants.....

thankyousir replies

why can't they stop screwing around?

sublimeparanoia says

HEY elephants want to ride elephants too

Megan Fox in high school

Looking at these photos of Transformers star and instant hottie Megan Fox in high school seems kind of wrong. But you know you're going to look anyway.

minnepinne says

Hotter than expected.

theberlindoctor says

This is getting a little creepy.

alostreflection asks

Did she attend high school in the 1950's? Why are these all black and white?

bixby1 says

I just found my sole purpose for the creation of a time machine.

MrDoug replies

...you'd still never have a shot.

RunDiggMC says

I yearn to do things with her that are sexual in nature.

jazzfunkblues replies

I'm not sure that I understand what you mean..

Short Sarkozy with the Obamas

There are a lot of really good demotivational posters. But this one showing Nikolas Sarkozy on his tiptoes, pictured with his wife, Carla Bruni, and Barack and Michelle Obama is especially inspirational. Or despirational, if that was a word. It's not.

Lumnioth says

To be fair, this was taken just milliseconds before his rocket shoes engaged and he flew on up to the moon. Context is important in pictures like this.

Xondar says

My girlfriend is really short, and I once noticed that she stands on her tippy toes whenever she's in a picture with me.
It's sooo cute. ^_^

jotux replies

I hate that you're happy.

solidago says

I don't think his height is the only thing he's insecure about: http://imgur.com/1uJUj.jpg

Scientists find 'pleasure nerves'

Holy fucking... I just had to pull this excerpt out — the second line of the story.

"And people had to be stroked at a certain speed - 4-5cm per second - to activate the pleasure sensation."

Oh, man. Seriously, BBC?

sirron881 says

I have to stroke faster than the study speed to achieve pleasure...

agentsrecord says

I discovered my pleasure nerves when I was 13. Does that make me a scientist?

bonarez asks

If they really located the G-spot why don't they just tell us where it is?

Bra sizes may (pleasantly) surprise you

Bra size increasing on average? Shit, sounds good to me. Great, in fact.

Plus, it gives me another reason to include that picture of Denise Milani's boobs.

spritom asks

Who said the media only reports bad news?

yoshi911911911 says

I, for one, welcome our new large boob overlords.

ZincSaucier says

i like the new boobs but i also liked the previous boobs

CrankMyBlueSax says

Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

A: Put a nipple on it.

tardmaster says

Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?

Because B shells are too small!

Where's Waldo? Found him

Students at Rutgers University set out to break a Guinness World Record for most people dressed as Waldo. This almost makes up for the fact that Rutgers has its own strand of STD.

And yes, I'm pretty sure this isn't the first Where's Waldo post I've done before. And you know what: that's OK.

James3FresH says

He was building an army the whole time.

jmbrysk says

You know, he was actually sort of difficult to find among all the women and black people.

randypanda says

A black Waldo?!?!?!

Next thing you know well have a black president!

Fred is first to hit 1 million Youtube subscribers

I can't fucking believe that this dumb ass kid is the most subscribed thing on Youtube. If you've never seen Fred before: don't. It's just some hyper boy doing the same nonsense that kids love for some reason, and that no one else understands. Go figure.

Brad324 says

I fucking hate him.

unabsolute says

dude, this kid needs to be aborted.

70s gay porn star dies, survived by his wife

OK, this is an unusual obit.

Jack Wrangler, a ruggedly handsome 1970s-era porn star whose openness about his homosexuality made him a symbol of self-confidence for many gay men, died Tuesday in New York City from complications of lung disease.

He eventually married some actress.

Whamdangler says

ACTING!

Uchiha_Cycliste says

"Honey, how was your day?"
"Horrible! I couldn't help feeling like everyone I work with is trying to f*ck me up the ass."

No YOU'RE a Towel says

Does not approve.

'Bikini girl' saved by Milwaukee Brewers fan

A Brewers homerun ball nearly socked a hottie tanning outside the fences. Luckily, a chubby Brewers fan swooped in and caught the ball, saving the girl and looking like a hero.

The video was rather entertaining, but due to copyright claims for the stupid, douche bag, piece of shit MLB, it has been removed from YouTube. Check out the Digg link for a thumbnail — and of course, plenty of funny commentary.

Echuu says

He should totally have sex with her.

tpmidd replies

She should totally allow him to have sex with her.

Scape89 says

In the good old days this would be a guaranteed beej.

kaasenwyn says

She's taken balls to the face before, why stop now?

Pitcher of beer downed in 5 seconds

This guy must be the life of any party. He could single-handedly bring back the Man Show. He might have trouble nabbing Jimmy Kimmel, but Adam Carolla probably isn't doing shit right now.

pxmm says

Eagerly awaiting the continuation of this, titled "pitcher of beer UP in 1 second"

TylerDuhrdan says

Things you can put on your resume.....

Spray enables men to last 6x longer after penetration

Premature ejaculators rejoice! Science, in all its glory, has manufactured a spray that extends the amount of time a man can last during sex up to six times longer. Longer as in time, not like those informercials.

Unfortunately, it needs to be applied post-penetration. So, you're like just getting started, and it starts getting steamy. And then you pull out, say, "Hold on, I need to spray this medical shit on my dick." Then, you have a 20-minute, boner-killing argument about how you don't have herpes, and how you explode way too soon, and that this should help.

sjbdallas says

6 seconds, here I come!

Bigtony1340 says

No more 2 pump chump.

mostie says

Now I just have to make it to the penetration part!

Denise Milani's huge boobs

So, I was browsing this weblog called Holy Taco, which seems to employ a fair amount of plebeian humor alongside the occasional photo spread of HOLY TITS, LOOK AT THOSE THINGS!

thefinch says

Her tits look as if Jesus Christ himself made love to a big breasted unicorn and she was their offspring.

dane says

that girl is going to have some back issues later on in life...I will have wrist issues right now though...

Voltara says

Wonderful, as for a long time I have been interested in this young woman's opinion on world affairs and the financial crisis. The fact she is a topless model only enhances her credibility

Anonymous says

What is the hangup with real vs. fake? Look at those things... if they are fake then her plastic surgeon deserves a nobel prize.

Stick shift cars vanishing in the U.S.

In an ongoing blog feature called 25 Things Vanishing in America, manual transmission cars snags a spot on the list. This is sort of upsetting for me considering I just learned how to drive stick last summer. I had planned to make my next car a stick. But I guess I better hurry before they all disappear.

eastwood24 says

Fine by me. I like to think my manual transmission is a security gaurd against potential theives.

ninjacob says

They should have never let women start driving.

bdbr replies

My daughter learned to drive on a stick. She gives boys a hard time when they can't.

manlyandy replies

The jokes for this one almost write themselves.

Chewbacca guitar chord discovered

In a breakthrough that could change music forever, a group of stoners have discovered a guitar "chord" that sounds like a growling, fictional Sasquatch thanks to a great deal of distortion. Editor's note: Chewbacca video is much better... On weed!

lewystud says

guy looks like Chewbacca

bmc31190 says

nobody has ever bent a minor 2nd before.

bstew22 replies

i did but she told me she was 18...i swear

EricSchC1 replies

No, but I broke a G-string, fingering A minor once!

Wonder why they call it Monkey Beach

The Phi Phi Islands look like paradise. And monkeys are just freakin' awesome.

Spuy767 says

In the first picture the kid looks like a hairless ewok.

agentsrecord says

That kid is SHITTING in the water! He doesn't even look ashamed!

How to blow a job interview

Do you frequently find yourself acting like a dumbass when trying to land a job? Here's a useful resource about blowing job interviews. Or rather, HowToNailAnInterview. Dot-com.

One of the premiere tips is not to mention that your husband is a Sasquatch hunter. You know, if that's his thing. So, every tip might not be 100% relateable, but check it out just in case.

LvV says

At first I thought that read How to BlowJob an Interview and I was all, "What did Kari do NOW?"

Dr. Nick says

*rushes off to register HowToNailAnInterviewer.com*

BxgrlJeri says

I like the one on the website where the guy admits to stealing supplies including office chairs.

GoneElsewhere provides some additional tips

I'm typically on the other end (blood sucking recruiter) but some other helpful, real-world examples/hints:

- When attaching your resume to an email. Make sure it's actually your resume and not an explicit, multi-page sex chat you had with another party.

- Phrase that should never appear in the first paragraph of an Introduction Letter: "arrest for narcotics trafficking".

John McCain disses Sarah Palin on Leno

It was more like a snub. In an interview on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Arizona Sen. John McCain — you know, that guy who ran for the presidency a few months ago — rattled off a list of up-and-coming Republican governors, who could be considered representative of the party.

McCain named a handful of Republicans, and, seemingly purposely, "forgot" to mention his running mate, Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin. Is there some animosity between the two? Let's turn to the comments to find out.

Mymoustache says

You left out the part where he paused...and then called her a cunt.

son of spam says

I hope we get to see her nude before she gets too old. Him and his fat daughter should keep their clothes on. His wife can get nude too but she's more of a "looks good with her clothes on" type. Have a nice day.

Nigromancer replies

Keeping it real classy.

One-in-a-million golf shot

What do you think of this incredible shot? Fake? I say fake. Probably Photoshopped. (What?)

RcHer says

But in China 1,300 people will make that shot as well.

glaroc says

An ant pushed it.

megamod says

He did it on purpose. He just wanted the ball to give him enough time to walk over and watch his own hole in one up close. Man he's good.

Area 51 insiders speak out

Aliens and sci-fi mysteries never get old, it seems. These interviews with former Area 51 employees garned a great deal of interest last week. It didn't contain any of the sort of fanatical alien chitchat. But it did talk about secret government goodies, like spyplanes.

captainXscalora says

I was hoping for aliens, but was disappointed.

udayd's brutal honesty is much appreciated

honestly, i just dugg this so i could read it tomorrow

i'm drunk and don't really give a fuck right now.

if there are no aliens or pussy in this article i'm going to bury it.

Volatile36 replies

Words to live by.

GM releasing trucks with in-dash computers

New GM trucks will have mobile offices — basically computers build into the dashboard. In addition to Office apps, the computers will run a version of Opera. It's basically the default all-purpose browser nowadays, so why not?

J. Peterson says

“use the in-dash browser to access sales information, contact databases…”

…Or watch YouTube while they plow into your rear bumper at a stoplight.

Christopher Ross says

OK, I’m a pretty simple guy and I grew up on a farm, driving farm trucks and I can tell you that never, in all the time I sat in the cab of a truck did I think to myself “man, I’d buy another truck … if only it had a web browser in it”.

Kanye West responds to South Park

There's a new episode of South Park tonight. But if you haven't seen it already, watch last week's. Right now. It rips on Kanye West in addition to others including the much deserved Carlos Mencia.

Kanye's blog repsonse, where he asserts in all capital letters that it hurt his feelings and that he's working on deflating his enormous, Macy's Day Parade balloon-sized ego. Also, he says in a later blog post that some waiter at the Cheesecake Factory served him fishsticks. Good one, dude!

ezmac says

"I GOT A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF ME TO MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE I'M NOT ACTUALLY A HUGE DOUCHE BUT I'M UP FOR THE CHALLENGE."

its much much longer than you think

icehazard says

As i watched this episode... i was thinking... what is Kanye gonna write in his blog this time

dixta replies

Can tell you what he's NOT gonna write in his blog..... the 26 lowercase characters between a and z.

If there were such things as capital numbers, he'd use those too.

Leminnes replies

ONE TWO THREE FOUR

nudedos says

THANKS KANYE FOR THE BLOG POST. AS A FELLOW TYPER WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHERE HIS CAPS LOCK KEY IS, I FIND IT REFRESHING TO SEE ANOTHER.

Beatoff says

CAPS LOCK IS FOR THE WEAK, I HOLD DOWN SHIFT

Disgusting Dominos People

The Internet is always teaching us lesson. Take the YouTube video, Digusting Dominos People, for example. It taught me the valuable lesson that if you work for a major restaurant chain and decide to contaminate the food you serve while you're on the job, do not film it and upload that video to YouTube.

It's so obvious now!

paperboy6605 says

Wow. Domino's is going to be pissed.

TwoTones says

Domino's has sanwiches? yum...

lozenp says

I work at Domino's and I can tell you we've taken action to fire these employees already. We're also looking at pursuing legal action. These people DO NOT represent the other 125,000 people working in our stores around the world. We were appalled by this.

oddjob replies

This is a message brought to you by LOZENP, KING OF DOMINOS

Testicle Festival

Sometimes you've got to just give props to a brilliantly worded description. This one comes straight from my Digger, Burrento:

"The fundraising idea may seem a little nuts, but Oakdale's annual Testicle Festival is always a big hit. On Monday, volunteers with the town's Rotary Club plan to fry up 400 pounds of the private parts of bulls and serve them to diners who pay $50 apiece for the sit-down meal."

If you haven't figured it out by now, I selectively choose which stories get photos to accompany them. This one, I'm sorry to say, will remain text-only. Perverts.

fearofcups says

Well this is just nuts.

ballsjohnson (Yes, that's really his user name) says

There's so many puns here...its ridiculous.

daqq says

$50 to put balls in my mouth?

Go to the right place and you can get paid for that.

TV show map of the U.S.

Whoever Danmeth.com is has put together a pretty cool map of U.S.-based TV shows, pin-pointing where each is based.

Actually labeled by its creator as a "sitcom map of the USA," I'm going to go out on a limb and say that "Dallas," "Baywatch" and "Matlock" were not situation comedies, nay comedies in any sense of the word (not intentionally, anyway). I mean, Dharma & Greg wasn't funny, but I'm not going to argue that one be off the list. (Though, I would have argued it being off the air.)

JoeF8577 says

Time, and having too much of it, is not always a bad thing.

bigfatphony19 says

The one that surprised me most was Dallas. Also, Hawaii 5-0

Zaggy111 says

I fucking hate Reba!

worseforwine replies

Pretty sure that's what they were originally going to call the show. From the producers of Everybody Loves Raymond: I Fucking Hate Reba!

hatepaste asks

Where are The Simpsons?

UnFriendlyFire replies

In Springfield

Dead girl banned from prom for poor attendance

The parents of Megan Gillan, a British high school student who was found dead in her bedroom, received a letter alerting them that Gillan was being denied access to the school prom due to poor attendance.

Nayson says

Unintentionally funny, but gallows humour at its finest:

"Megan doesn't go to that school anymore. She's been dead for two months now so it's not surprising her attendance is low."

JohnILM says

You want to get the school back? Have her show up to the prom.

inactive says

Will she go?!

rrbest replies

Zombie Prom.

TremorX says

I'm getting sick of this anti-Zombie media bias

Cheerleaders of the Final Four

I just needed one more win from you, Michigan State. But you Spartan assholes teetered by 21 going into the second half. Twenty-one? The biggest half-time gap in NCAA basketball championship history. Come on, guys.

OK, I'll stop whining. The tournament is over, and here are some hot girls to look at.

DuggDeaper says

I think we can agree that going by just pictures, the Spartans are a bunch of sexy sluts.

parafish13 says

I am a proud Spartan. Life rocks.

IglooBurner says

Never thought "Huskie" girls would be so hot.

Raccoon bites off man's penis after attempted rape

I'm going to start off with a bit of honesty. I didn't read the story. I got the gist of it, but even this is too messed up for me to glance over — especially while at work.

To summarize (which could be completely incorrect because, again, I didn't read this), a man tried to have sexy-time with a raccoon and had his dongle removed forcibly. Oh, and it happened in Russia — not that you didn't know that already.

trib4lmaniac says

"When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun."

It's happened to us all.

shutaro says

OM NOM NOM NOM!

4321234 says

Couldn't resist that sweet, sweet coontang.

awesometastic1 says

In Soviet Russia, the raccoons rape you

dtfinch says

It was a mistake to start with oral foreplay.

AIDS: The gay plague

Probably not the most politically correct entry to the science fair, but at least this fine lassie won a medal for it. Oh, and apparently, "man-on-horse" is A-OK in this kid's (and school's book).

Of course, I don't want to completely kill your faith in the American educational system. This is, as you might have guessed, Photoshopped. The girl has posted a picture of her actual project on her blog.

Nick is nearly speechless

Oh dear…

Chiscringle says

I’d like to see her materials list.
2 men
2 women
1 horse
1 pocket fox

Our job here is done. Michael says

I’m afraid of Americans.

Playboy posts unedited back issues online for free

I've often heard people suggest that newspapers could create a very clever new revenue model by opening up their historical archives. As we know, the adult entertainment industry is always ahead of trends. So, it should come as no surprise that the original dirty magazine, Playboy, is opening up its archives online.

Bashnu says

Damn, now my screens are stuck together.

R0am3r says

And they have great articles too...

kevman459 says

Finally! You can find the pics for free all over the internet, but those articles are hard to come by!

GrooTheWanderer says

It's okay, no child has ever figured out a way around the ingenious "I am at least 18" button.

Acetate says

It's like masturbating in a time machine!

rebirf says

I could barely stop fapping to write this comment.

Trent Reznor takes a shit

Nine Inch Nails front man Trent Reznor is treading new water with his latest endeavor. He has, if reports are to be believed, taken a shit. Such a dramatic venture is sure to fascinate and please fans around the world.

Chowderhawk says

Holy shit! He actually took a shit? Way to stick it to the man!

RafiParrr asks

Did he Twitter his shit

cochonnerie sings

Head like a hole, black as your..

eugenesucks says

OMG, he's so talented. How does he do it?

ChromaVita says

He the proceeded to put it on a CD and release it to the masses.

WeFollow: Kevin Rose's Twitter people directory

If there's anything bigger than Kevin Rose among the Internet geek community, it's Twitter. A combination of the two, as is the case with Rose's new start-up WeFollow (a people-powered directory of Twitter users), could no doubt bring down the Web and disrupt space and time.

No wormholes yet, but I'm still hiding under my desk — just in case.

P.S. Anyone remember Pownce? Rose's start-up from way back that was supposed to compete with Twitter? No? Wait, one guy did.

whoreable says

It is funny cause of pownce.

sockpuppets replies

I'm waiting for the pownce.com domain to expire so I can buy it and build a social networking site for cats.

Sunscreen interrupts

OMG. I went to an internet website a few minutes ago, and there were DICKS EVERYWHERE.

Unemployed 'to do' list

Sounds like a busy life.

bstockwell says

8 shouldn't be complete yet, unless he took this in the future.

plagiats replies

or posted it twice

diskoh replies

Dude you blew my mind!

scor77xc asks

OMG, a list that doesn't end in PROFIT!

Oh that's right, cuz he's unemployed....

Brandynp asks

Masturbate isn't on there?

fguanlao replies

No need for a reminder

At least he is an honest scammer

Usually when daring and frustrated Internet users, try to mess with a phisher, they'll use the ol' bait 'n switch. Mike Nash took a different approach, as you can see in the screen shot to the right. To be honest, Mr. Robert Dutu sounds like a downright nice guy.

Fixhotep says

WULD DO BUSINISS WITH AGAIN!!!11 A++++++=

Danblank000 says

id be tempted to let him scam me......seems like such a nice chap!

Jeffler says

..shit, you're saying this Dutu guy isn't real? BRB CALLING BANKS

Joe the Plumber's lonely book signing

Joe the Plumber's book signing in Washington DC was a bit of wash. The event was scheduled to last three hours, but ended after 55 minutes, with our friend Joe having only sold a total of five books.

To be fair, who would have thought his 15 minutes of fame would last 40 minutes longer than it should have. And to think, I could have gone to this, and watched him squirm.

techtock says

http://sadtrombone.com/

publiclurker says

They actually thought his supporters could read?

Klak replies

who knew joe the plumber could write?

narupo says

Palin/Plumber 2012.

NaturalCauzes says

Dear Joe the Plumber,

Come back after fighting a turtle-dragon. Only then can you be called a plumber.

It's a me,
Mario

Swedos: Swedish guidos

Make it stop!

Reaktor5 says

Needs more popped collars.

Cheeselover says

I think the one in the middle is jerking off the other one.

wonkavsn asks

That creature at the bottom right... do you think he has magic powers?

PaulClayberg replies

I put on my robe and self-tanning lotion..

12-hour Viagra-fueled orgy ends in death

Happy Friday!

A 28-year-old Russian man died after taking a bottle of Viagra pills for an apparent 12-hour sex romp. Two women told Moscow police they bet Tuganov $US4300 that he wouldn't be able to satisfy them during a non-stop half day sex marathon. The mechanic died of a heart attack minutes after winning the bet.

No accompanying photo necessary for this one, I think.

alapoet says

Maybe that's how I wanna go out...

KoldKalamity says

fuck AND get money? it normally works the other way around.

inhaler replies

In Soviet Russia...

bixby says

Well done! (except the dying part)

mdisc says

he went out with a bang

draxenato says

He came and went at the same time, I wouldn't mind having that on my gravestone

hawk0168 says

Penis asplode.

New pennies issued by the US Mint

The fine folks at the super coin-making factory emporium (read: the U.S. Mint) have crafted four new pennies for your spending enjoyment. Bonus: the actual coins are worth less than what it costs to make them (1.4 cents a piece). It's a good investment for no one!

ZZOTH says

cool, i'll take 4 of the new ones and buy 4 shares of GM stock.

DirtyBinLV says

Every time I throw pennies in the trash, I think of my Jewish ancestors spinning in their graves.

GB570 replies

You throw pennies in the trash? Why not melt them down..they're worth 1.4 pennies a piece.

Weirdest soccer goal-scoring celebration ever

AFC Bournemouth's Lee Bradbury celebrates his first goal against Grimsby with the new routine, while his teammates played along.

OK, I admit it. I took that description from Digg. I have no idea what any of it means. But some people know what's going on with soccer, right? After all, they call it "football" in some places, you know.

MrBlanks says

No, not the weirdest. This is the weirdest

DarrenFreemont says

I just don't think it was very nice of him to punch all of his own teammates.

ThatGeek says

that was terrible defense.

Christian Bale freak out

By now, you've no doubt heard the audio clip of Christian Bale flipping a shit on the set of Terminator Salvation. So, why not listen to it again? It's fun, and a welcome reminder that Bale is kind of a douche. Damn lighting guy.

KnifeStorm says

Bale's gonna be pissed at the sound guys for recording this.

PixelMagic says

One might say that Bale goes batshit crazy.

Barackalypse says

Why so serious?

How to find new women in your everyday life

I have this terrible habit of giving publicity to things that I think are retarded. They say there's no such thing as bad press. I don't know who "they" are, but damn if they aren't right.

But for the purpose of this blog, the point is to find funny comments. And since stupid-ass articles tend to attract the funniest reactions, here's one for the record books.

It's a miserably stupid piece about meeting girls. (I like to link insulting phrases to these stupid pages to boost their SEO rank for those keywords. Passive aggressive geekery at its finest.) It doesn't even give all that good of information for such a simple task. They're half the population, dude. Just look around and talk to some of them.

ThatGeek sums it up

so... in conclusion, to meet women, go to places where there are women...

daonlyfreez says

OMG, they are everywhere!

mreade says

May sound funny, but I've had really good luck at the zoo... yeah ok, waiting for all the jokes now...

jmkiii replies

No, that seems reasonable.
...
What species?

yomamaisfat says

Finding them is the easy part. Then what?

dildoolielly says

Easiest girls are at church, guaranteed

Biggest swimming pool in the world

Take a look at these photos of the largest swimming pool in the world. Located at San Alfonso del Mar resort in Algarrobo, Chile, it's basically really fucking big. Plus, it's like right on the ocean, which makes me wonder why they would spend all this time and money making a big-ass pool when they could've walked an extra 20 feet into a much bigger, less man-made body of water.

OK, so quick story. I'm blogging this one at the library, 5 in the morning when I should be studying. I scroll through the comments to find this jewel by m3mn0n, and lose it. It's either sleep deprivation or the wittiest comment ever. For the sake of you guys, let's hope it's the latter.

MMusick says

It would be nice to swim one lap and be done.

RiceNCurry says

I heard Phelps was born in this pool.

xtonypiercex says

you could pee in it and no one would know

OUSooner replies

What pool can't you do that in?

m3mn0n replies

bathtub

Ultra nerd in paradise

This geek looks like he's having a great vacation in his living room.

I find this photo especially suiting because I, too, am on vacation right now. Well, not right now, while I write this. But when this post actually goes up. Or is going up. Bah, I suck at tenses. Anyway, I'm on the Pacific beach, so ha!

kmpz asks

Why the hell is he wearing shades??

raydeen replies

'Cause his future is so bright.

thefbimonkey says

I bet he is playing World of Warcraft, AM I RIGHT PEOPLE?

ceruleanocte says

i'm surprised the pepsi bottle isn't full of urine

Hot Super Bowl fans paint bodies

Everybody excited for the Super Bowl matchup?! Look, I'm sorry again for taking so much time away from my golden nuggets. But I can make it up to you with this month-old, but still super awesome clip of girls painting themselves in a sort of Rebecca Romijn (not Stamos!) from X-Men thing.

You might need to login to view the above video. Because it's just that awesome.

tj111 says

Not that I don't love the Superbowl, but I'd rather watch 3 hours of this instead.

feezus says

I liked the part with the boobies.

nils says

Works much better with the sound turned off.

robEstyles says

FAKE! no one is actually a Cardinals fan

fluxboxuk says

This isnt where i parked my car !

They met at a bar

I enjoyed this little comic: an exercise in honesty and of how pathetic online dating is. I think. Either that or it's glorifying prostitution. Glorify. That kind of sounds like glory hole. OK, this is just dirty.

By the way, I know this is an old image. ("Older than the Internet!" Man, you are so funny and original.) But that's what happens when I stop updating for nearly a month. Things get stale. My sincerest apologies to Susan, a fan and lone reader of this blog. I have let you and the rest of Texas down.

mrmount says

Holy *****, my GF is a hooker!

LordofChaoslori replies

We know.

Start calling Pluto an asteroid

Not really sure who "friends of Pluto" are. Probably just your average weirdos. Or aliens. Uh oh! Do you think? No! It couldn't be. Could it?

jwolcott says

paid for by the friends of pluto

WTF?

shaunj66 replies

Goofy and Mickey have a lot to answer for

gumby05 says

I thought it was a teaser for a new Michael Bay movie

Pawsick asks, on a separate note

Does this also mean if I start calling every woman I see a whore I'll get laid more often?

Matt2k replies

Yes. You have achieved nirvana. Now go forth grasshopper

I can teach you no more

hitkaiser replies

You'll just be a rapper

brainflakes says

It's okay Pluto, I'm not a planet either

Dog riding a bike

Seriously, what more can I say than what's in the title. It's a dog riding a bicycle. I promise.

g33kfu says

Oh Japan...

Neikos says

This is what the internet is for.

Alejo43 says

Basic amusement at its finest.

To Dorian Gray, from Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde's male-on-male promiscuity is no historical mystery. He wrote plays, and was just an all around gay dude. But this school assignment — whether it actually happened or not — is pretty funny.

I'm not gay, so I don't know who Dorian Gray is. It might be funnier if I knew who that was, but I'll stick to being straight. And the only reason I have any familiarity with Oscar Wilde is because the Uncyclopedia is obsessed with him.

Maybe that encyclopedia is gay... Hm.

Trax91 says

If anyone read The Picture of Dorian Gray, you couldn't cut the homoerotic tension with a knife!

jd33 replies

I think you mean spoon.

You could definitely cut it with a knife.

moo2u2 replies

I see you've played knifey-spooney before!

Best forum ever

Message board statistics: 1090 threads, 2264 posts, 1 user. Yes, one guy maintained a back-and-forth conversation of sorts. With himself. More than a thousand times. In public.

Sadly, the unabomber-like weirdo, who runs the Web forum, has since taken the website offline. But trust me, it's more depressing than you would care to see.

arTech says

"She was a really nice neighbour. Always kept to herself"

crushfan says

Internet -- where desperately lonely people are ... still lonely.

phazonsuit says

http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/8154/ggjhgkhgjw ...

Steve Jobs, 1 year apart

If you've read any business news recently, then I'm sure you're well aware of the health problems plaguing Apple CEO Steve Jobs. So, instead of bore you with any elaborate details of what Jobs calls a "hormone imbalance," here's an illustration, showing exactly how accelerated this problem has become.

10goto10 says

Holy shit, his turtleneck got blacker.

jgray1975 says

Its the Steve Jobs Nano.

mlbwebdesign says

Pffffffft, He's fine! He looks great for 75. wait, he's 53?

spritom says

My iPhone did the same thing to me. The 2.0 version is radioactive!

justkikuchi says

hormone imbalance, my ass

chipxsd replies

your ass is hormone imbalanced?

Copyright claims breaks Death Cab for Cutie's own videos on their website

Step 1, make music. Step 2, get noticed. Step 3, join major label. Step 4, make some money and lots of fame. Step 5, get screwed repeatedly. This step repeats for a long time.

Once-indie, once-rock band Death Cab for Cutie lost all of the YouTube-hosted videos on their website thanks to a falling out between the Google video website and their label, Warner Music Group. Pretty embarrassing for a band when fans click on a video on their website, and it's absent due to "copyright claims."

CaptainCrunch says

This comment is no longer available due to a copyright claim by WMG.

Longchamp asks

Things used to be this way in Hollywood. Actors were underpaid and under the thumb of execs. (I don't know how, but) They rose up and now have control that would've been unheard of 70 years ago. Why hasn't this happened in the music industry?

Cloakofthenight says

Looks like we can look forward to DRM free DCFC music in the future.

ChingChangCharlie says

That sucks. That was definitely the best work that Robin Williams has done in a long time. Edward Norton was good, as usual. A funny-ass dark comedy.

axonblue replies

lolwut

Obama fisting

What could this possibly be about, you might ask after reading the title of this post. Just watch the video.

See it yet? Yes, Fox News really is that retarded.

shoover says

I don't think that means what you think it means...

JakeBC says

I wish I could have been around later when someone explained her comment to her.

thundercloud39 says

Last seen on the door of the oval office ...

"Out to Lunch. Gone Fisting"

doublebummer says

In a cabinet meeting today president Obama gave out 10 handjobs...that's what this kids are calling a handshake now...right?

CNN: Obamas juggle inaugural balls

Barack and Michelle Obama had the No. 2 most balls on inauguration night, second only to Bill Clinton. Clinton unsurprisingly topped all other president's number of balls. Get the innuendo yet? The news coverage of those stupid dances was so unending last Tuesday that I'm starting to think the overt sexual references were purposeful.

Come on, an editor didn't look at this "juggle balls" headline, and stop to think: Wow, you know what this could also sound like...? Worry not, you can always buy the t-shirt.

Snoosy says

That title reminds me of fondling testicles.

Udog replies

You're a nut.

hyperspaztik replies

You're having a ball with this one.

steelcash84 replies

That comment was below the belt.

Reveillark replies

No need to get testy

World's oldest person dies at 115

Maria de Jesus, 115, died in northwest Portugal recently. The old bat is believed to have been the oldest living person, as listed in the Guinness Book of World Records. Gertrude Baines, a 114-year-old Los Angeles resident, now takes the title.

What have we learned? One, people stopped naming their kids Gertrude approximately 114 years ago. And two, if your name is Jesus, you're probably pretty special.

roebeet says

Too young....

sjbdallas says

There better be an autopsy because this death sounds suspicious.

Dea7hleprachaun says

World's second oldest person: "YESSSSSSSS!!"

bixby1 says

If I'm the new title holder, Gertrude Baines, I'd be shitting my pants (even more than usual)

Crazysticks says

Doesn't this happen like every month? Do we really need to hear about it every time?

ExoBit replies

But this one has Jesus in her name.

Ham dick

That's one meaty chode.

Ordonez says

It’s circumcised… so it’s kosher?

lolerblades says

lol I can’t wait to get that into my mouth.

fuzz on the concept says

Chokes like chicken.

I make it to the fence in 2.8 seconds. Can you?

This is one ballsy German Shepherd. Would I take the risk? Probably not. Unless there's something totally awesome on the other side of the fence. Like a dog.

So, can you make it to the fence in 2.8 seconds?

ophello says

Maybe, but if the dog beats me to the fence, that's really okay.

barnis says

I have a gun. Do you?

speedk0re says

Holy Shit a talking dog!

Wonder Boner

Sick of de-boning fish? Why not try the Wonder Boner! The rod is the secret. Trust me.

boaks says

lol “My wife would like that…”

Dalkorian replies

Yeah, that’s still tickling my funny boner.

Mookie says

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give a man a boner and he’s yours for a lifetime.

Happy deer is happy

He certainly is one happy deer. Until he finds out his mother was executed by a hunter.

singleton asks

How can people actually shoot these little guys?

sockpuppets replies

With a gun.

Murdats replies

they shoot the sad ones.

machoraz replies

Don't kid yourself, he'd kill you and everyone you care about if he could.

tomejuan says

I liked the part when the deer was happy.