Short Sarkozy with the Obamas

There are a lot of really good demotivational posters. But this one showing Nikolas Sarkozy on his tiptoes, pictured with his wife, Carla Bruni, and Barack and Michelle Obama is especially inspirational. Or despirational, if that was a word. It's not.

Lumnioth says

To be fair, this was taken just milliseconds before his rocket shoes engaged and he flew on up to the moon. Context is important in pictures like this.

Xondar says

My girlfriend is really short, and I once noticed that she stands on her tippy toes whenever she's in a picture with me.
It's sooo cute. ^_^

jotux replies

I hate that you're happy.

solidago says

I don't think his height is the only thing he's insecure about: http://imgur.com/1uJUj.jpg

John McCain disses Sarah Palin on Leno

It was more like a snub. In an interview on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Arizona Sen. John McCain — you know, that guy who ran for the presidency a few months ago — rattled off a list of up-and-coming Republican governors, who could be considered representative of the party.

McCain named a handful of Republicans, and, seemingly purposely, "forgot" to mention his running mate, Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin. Is there some animosity between the two? Let's turn to the comments to find out.

Mymoustache says

You left out the part where he paused...and then called her a cunt.

son of spam says

I hope we get to see her nude before she gets too old. Him and his fat daughter should keep their clothes on. His wife can get nude too but she's more of a "looks good with her clothes on" type. Have a nice day.

Nigromancer replies

Keeping it real classy.

Joe the Plumber's lonely book signing

Joe the Plumber's book signing in Washington DC was a bit of wash. The event was scheduled to last three hours, but ended after 55 minutes, with our friend Joe having only sold a total of five books.

To be fair, who would have thought his 15 minutes of fame would last 40 minutes longer than it should have. And to think, I could have gone to this, and watched him squirm.

techtock says

http://sadtrombone.com/

publiclurker says

They actually thought his supporters could read?

Klak replies

who knew joe the plumber could write?

narupo says

Palin/Plumber 2012.

NaturalCauzes says

Dear Joe the Plumber,

Come back after fighting a turtle-dragon. Only then can you be called a plumber.

It's a me,
Mario

CNN: Obamas juggle inaugural balls

Barack and Michelle Obama had the No. 2 most balls on inauguration night, second only to Bill Clinton. Clinton unsurprisingly topped all other president's number of balls. Get the innuendo yet? The news coverage of those stupid dances was so unending last Tuesday that I'm starting to think the overt sexual references were purposeful.

Come on, an editor didn't look at this "juggle balls" headline, and stop to think: Wow, you know what this could also sound like...? Worry not, you can always buy the t-shirt.

Snoosy says

That title reminds me of fondling testicles.

Udog replies

You're a nut.

hyperspaztik replies

You're having a ball with this one.

steelcash84 replies

That comment was below the belt.

Reveillark replies

No need to get testy

Bush's shoe dodge goes viral

Props to President Bush. At a time when his approval rating seemingly couldn't go any lower, when a passerby is literally throwing clothing items at him — and not the cool, rockstar panties type of thing, either — he still seems like a pretty nice guy. I mean, he dodges not one but two shoes during a press conference, with a goofy, lovable smile on his face.

The day of the shoe fiasco, the videos completed dominated the YouTube charts. Well, almost completely.

RiouG says

99% Bush and Boobs. Yep, sounds about right.

petebot says

I like how after he ducks, Bush looks like he's having fun.

angelgabe says

Bush might just be the worst president in recent memory but I want that fool on my dodgeball team!

Sarah Palin does TV interview while turkeys are slaughtered

Happy Thanksgiving! I'll leave you with this Sarah Palin turkey slaughter video of which I'm sure you've already seen.

UberNick says

She and the turkey should trade places

jnorby says

The 'gotcha media' got her again!!

Dirtcock says

What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?

Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded.

Ann Coulter has mouth wired shut

Thanks to a fortuitous jaw injury, national sweetheart and vehement racist Ann Coulter had her mouth forcibly wired shut, according to reports. This is especially infuriating if you're Ann Coulter because a few weeks ago, she learned that the next president would be a black man, and now she has to deal with no being able to tell people how furious she is about that.

It's a tragedy, really.

ibmetom says

So the glory hole in the fifth floor men's can at FOX HQ is temporarily out of service.

Playincard says

I'd still fuck her in the mouth.

kublakhan replies

frankly, I'd much prefer to beat her with a rusty tire iron

pandawho1212 says

When reached for comment, Coulter scribbled this on a notepad angrily: "you're all GAY!!!"

krugerlive says

From the comments

While they were wiring her jaw shut they should have also removed her adam's apple and her penis

What's Joe the Plumber saying to John McCain's daughter?

Look, I promise this is the last election-related post I'll do. I know the election is weeks over, but this one's for one last look (or for many, the first) at John McCain's super hot daughter.

hjmt says

"There's a POW in my pants."

mattgilberg says

"The only thing that's longer and harder than this election is my erection"

bigtimslim asks

Why haven't I seen paparazzi photos of her on a beach yet?

abarysh2 replies

Because unfortunately she didn't inherit Cindy's figure..

doublefelix replies

I'd hit it, then vote against it.

sandersdamnit says

"I want to stick my penis inside your vagina."

Rainemaker replies

"If you know what I mean".

2008 electoral map if only young people voted

The map, a result of polling young people from around the country, shows how the election would have looked if those old farts weren't allowed to vote or leave the house. Of course, this shows absolutely no correlation to the outcome of future elections. You know, time and money have a way of changing people's political views.

I'd like to see this map for the 1960 election. Lee Harvey Oswald may very well have been the only young person on the entire map to vote red.

enki25 says

This is great. My understanding is that all the old people are in the process of dying.

droford asks

Now wheres the one where it shows only the votes of old people?

quasipolymath replies

They all voted for Matlock. It was a landslide.

rahamm says

Only the suckiest states in the Union are red.

YOU HEAR ME IDAHO take your shitty potatos and go home!

riverrunner replies

Crap I kinda like Idaho.

se1zure says

If Just black people voted

CNN hologram technology

For those who were watching CNN during the Election Day coverage (and why would you when there's Fox News in the world, amirite?), I'm sure you were no doubt aware that CNN has hologram technology — mainly because Wolf Blitzner nearly shat himself over it.

CNN had Jessica Yellin "projected" into the studio live from thousands of miles away in a full 3D hologram for their coverage, which really means they took a video of her in front of a greenscreen and superimposed it onto the video later.

The absurdity of CNN getting so stoked over this (and the media following) coupled with the fact that they paid, like, $300,000 to get this done is my favorite part. Oh, and the comments.

animerat says

Help me Wolf Blitzer you are my only hope

dynamitekidtx asks

CNN HAS HOLOGRAM TECHNOLOGY HOLY FUCKING SHIT HOW LONG HAVE THEY HAD THIS?!?

smittysize says

Think of the porn implications!

pattyman5000 says

"Thank you Jessica. You were a terrific hologram."

Barack Obama: C-C-C-Combo Breaker

Barack Obama is president. And, man, that's a lot of white dudes.

SolidEuphoria says

Only in American can a history of old white looking women turn into a young black man.

tallguyg replies

that already happened in reverse with Michael Jackson.

astrobela says

It's funny because it's change.

sockpuppets says

I'm colorblind. Which one is he?

Shissy replies

The black one.

ocsurferreport says

[Image]

Election Day

No funny today. Go vote!

October surprise? Bush attacks Syria

The most exciting thing about the election season is what each party pulls out at the end of October as a last minute attempt to sway votes. Sadly, this year there was nothing noteworthy. Well, the Republican administration did attack the Syrian border, but nothing, you know, like DUIs.

platypusREX says

This is some fucked up shit.

rawnzilla says

The Bush/McCain Iraq Exit Strategy: Go through Syria.

rileyhallwood says

uh oh

Bogus: Sarah Palin: If ice melts, polar bears can adapt

The English newspaper Telegraph printed — or rather, posted; I'm not sure if this made it into the paper — a bogus quote from Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin. "These magnificent, cuddly white bears are doing just fine and don't need our protection," Palin supposedly said. "If the ice melts, they'll adapt to living on the land."

The statement was, in fact, too dumb to be true. Yes, even for a Republican, who was found wearing a scarf promoting the Democrat donkey symbol (left). The Telegraph didn't respond for comment, but they did revise the original story, acknowledging the quote's inaccuracy.

But let's pretend it was real because the comments are funnier that way.

CabanaBoy says

Perhaps they can adapt to eat Republican Vice-president candidates...

4321234 replies

Not much nutritional value there. Full of shit.

mvanhorn asks

Don't you have to believe in evolution to have them adapt?

BeatPunchbeef says

Yeah, nothing says camouflage in the woods like a BIG WHITE FUCKING BEAR.

His prey will adapt by seeing him a mile away.

Barack Obama's health care for small businesses

In the final debate, Barack Obama details how much small-business Joe (who I assume is this Joe Six-pack I'm hearing all about, but I didn't actually see this debate) will have to pay in fines under his health care plan. John McCain seems to respond, "Oh, that sounds pretty sweet!"

kezia1 says

Wha-Wha-Whaaaaa?

Fordi says

I think he was trying to look incredulous - but McCain doesn't have a lot of expressive capability, so it just came out as 'dumbfounded'.

rmtamm says

He averages two blinks per second throughout the entire clip!

Blaqreaper replies

Counted 51 blinks, but I'm sure I missed some in there too....
I need to make better use of my life.

rentmitchum replies

If he doesn't his eyes will start to dry out which starts the complete reversal of the unmummification...

..he's really old.

Google News fail

This slip-up, showing Gov. Sarah Palin pictured next to a story about pig cruelty, is pretty great taken out of context. But it's not a total stretch. Remember that controversy about lipstick on a pig? The Google machines are trying, guys.

mentat says

You sir, mispelled "win"

cloudform says

For once, I don't feel hungry for bacon.

cantitoe says

You bookmarked TV Guide...What a loser!!!

Clintowned

Something tells me Hillary Clinton isn't over the whole Monica Lewinski thing...

badjoke says

DENIED.

Lacero says

HILARYOUS!

morninglorii can explain the phenomenon

Once you go black...

pbdyhcky189 replies

...your parents stop talking to you.

wrzhydr replies

your vagina never tightens back?

Tomholious replies

2 of my friends died going black

TheWriteGuy replies

It's "Once you go BARACK..."

cgibbo says

I thought the joke was that she's putting a 'kick me' sign on his back (watch it again, shit brix).

John McCain unsure how many houses he owns

Come on, John. What are you doing to yourself? Just take a bloody guess. Three? Six? A baker's dozen? You're making yourself look like a senile aristocrat.

trillions says

"Now...where did i leave that house? Oh, in my HUGE wallet!"

onyxcoltrane asks

What's the big deal? I don't know how many pairs of socks I own. Oh, wait a second......

P1um says

The life of a straight-up G. What did you expect?

ctlr says

Some 20-something staffer just got a new assignment: "quick, find out how many houses the boss owns!"

George Bush calls Michael Phelps after 8th gold medal

After residential merman Michael Phelps scored his eighth medal of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, he received a call from residential funnyman and all around nice guy George W. Bush. It's not uncommon for a president to call an athlete after a major competitive victory.

What is unusual is that Bush didn't just get on the roof and shout his praise in the general direction of China, since Phelps could probably hear a whale pass gas in the depths of the Pacific Ocean with those giant fucking ears of his.

Foot56 says

I like how Bush responded faster to Michael Phelps winning his 8th gold medal then Hurricane Katrina.

sockpuppets sums up the phone call

"I like turtles" said the president.

xLSDx quotes

W: "How awsome r gold metals?"
MP: "Crazy awsome"
W: "What r u wearing?"
...

Barack Obama sucker punches John McCain

Pow! Right in the kisser. Barack just dropped the O-bomb on your ass, Johnny!

ZedoMann asks

Isin't that the pope?

DamienKarras says

That's two for flinching.

alx1507 says

He's winding up for a terrorist fist jab

Who's gonna knock you out? AussieJames says

Obama gonna knock you out!