Elephant rides: This wasn't in the brochure

That looks like fun all around.

monkeysmasher says

Everyone in that picture just really wants to get off.

MrInfallible says

Fucking Elephants.....

thankyousir replies

why can't they stop screwing around?

sublimeparanoia says

HEY elephants want to ride elephants too

Wonder why they call it Monkey Beach

The Phi Phi Islands look like paradise. And monkeys are just freakin' awesome.

Spuy767 says

In the first picture the kid looks like a hairless ewok.

agentsrecord says

That kid is SHITTING in the water! He doesn't even look ashamed!

Raccoon bites off man's penis after attempted rape

I'm going to start off with a bit of honesty. I didn't read the story. I got the gist of it, but even this is too messed up for me to glance over — especially while at work.

To summarize (which could be completely incorrect because, again, I didn't read this), a man tried to have sexy-time with a raccoon and had his dongle removed forcibly. Oh, and it happened in Russia — not that you didn't know that already.

trib4lmaniac says

"When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun."

It's happened to us all.

shutaro says

OM NOM NOM NOM!

4321234 says

Couldn't resist that sweet, sweet coontang.

awesometastic1 says

In Soviet Russia, the raccoons rape you

dtfinch says

It was a mistake to start with oral foreplay.

Dog riding a bike

Seriously, what more can I say than what's in the title. It's a dog riding a bicycle. I promise.

g33kfu says

Oh Japan...

Neikos says

This is what the internet is for.

Alejo43 says

Basic amusement at its finest.

I make it to the fence in 2.8 seconds. Can you?

This is one ballsy German Shepherd. Would I take the risk? Probably not. Unless there's something totally awesome on the other side of the fence. Like a dog.

So, can you make it to the fence in 2.8 seconds?

ophello says

Maybe, but if the dog beats me to the fence, that's really okay.

barnis says

I have a gun. Do you?

speedk0re says

Holy Shit a talking dog!

Happy deer is happy

He certainly is one happy deer. Until he finds out his mother was executed by a hunter.

singleton asks

How can people actually shoot these little guys?

sockpuppets replies

With a gun.

Murdats replies

they shoot the sad ones.

machoraz replies

Don't kid yourself, he'd kill you and everyone you care about if he could.

tomejuan says

I liked the part when the deer was happy.

Polar bear chases man around car

The Daily Mail, apparently the rag of the U.K., has an entertaining photo report about an Alaskan man, who narrowly escaped a polar bear attack by running around his truck. One might say he barely makes it out alive. Heh.

spaceshipsix says

I'm sure he was very thankful for the photographer's heroic help documenting his near death experience.

For my sake I'm glad he took the pictures.

iSeven says

needs more Benny Hill theme song

doublefelix says

That's the last time he will wear Seal's new fragrance.

UMDWei says

"Hey! I just want you to try this new Coke."

This is a picture of a dog in a mailbox

See, I'm not a liar.

CsHitman says

That's the best picture of a dog in a mailbox I've seen today!

sgtbutterscotch replies

O Rly?

EwMo says

I like the part where the dog is inside of the mailbox.

FireStalker3150 says

This is a video of Rick Astley singing "Never Gunna Give You Up

mikedidonato replies

Ugh. I fell for it again.

Hotdog

Hey there, wiener dog.

AltTab says

Oh, Korean food...

monesy says

Just top that off with some delicious bacon please.

state_of_alert says

cutegasm

Sutibu replies

...that was disturbing on multiple levels.

How can I get my labrador dog to stop urinating and defacating on me while I'm sleeping?

Yahoo Answers strikes again.

As hilarious as the question "How can I get my labrador dog to stop urinating and defacating on me while I'm sleeping?" and the accompanying description are, the comments are even better. How does Yahoo manage to pack so much stupidity into one website?

Kensington V asks

How can I get my labrador dog to stop urinating and defacating on me while I'm sleeping?

She's 7 years old and in the last few months she has taken to jumping on the bed when I am sleeping and either doing a poo or weeing on me. I don't find out until I wake up in the morning. Why is she doing this and how can I stop her? PS I can't put her outside, I live in a small apartment and it is too cold for her elsewhere.

Cole D replies

A H AH AH AHA HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

runbmd replies

You may want to take off your fire hydrant costume before you go to bed.

Boy Howdy! replies

She obviously thinks that your bed is her territory and is trying to mark it. You need to assert that it is your territory so you need to urinate or defaecate on your own bed to show that it is yours.

Bogus: Sarah Palin: If ice melts, polar bears can adapt

The English newspaper Telegraph printed — or rather, posted; I'm not sure if this made it into the paper — a bogus quote from Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin. "These magnificent, cuddly white bears are doing just fine and don't need our protection," Palin supposedly said. "If the ice melts, they'll adapt to living on the land."

The statement was, in fact, too dumb to be true. Yes, even for a Republican, who was found wearing a scarf promoting the Democrat donkey symbol (left). The Telegraph didn't respond for comment, but they did revise the original story, acknowledging the quote's inaccuracy.

But let's pretend it was real because the comments are funnier that way.

CabanaBoy says

Perhaps they can adapt to eat Republican Vice-president candidates...

4321234 replies

Not much nutritional value there. Full of shit.

mvanhorn asks

Don't you have to believe in evolution to have them adapt?

BeatPunchbeef says

Yeah, nothing says camouflage in the woods like a BIG WHITE FUCKING BEAR.

His prey will adapt by seeing him a mile away.

Scuba horse

What the fuck, indeed.

solstice21 says

It's a sea horse!

bwjacket says

You can lead a horse to water... or dress him like a fucking idiot. But never both at the same time.

ar0ne says

Look out, its Scuba Steed

Real age dog chart

Turns out your dog's age isn't as simple as multiply by seven. Its size is a significant factor once it comes to ages past two.

pdizz says

This is messed up. I've always gone by the 1:7 ratio and given that assumption I wont let my dog drink beer until he's three years old. Now this chart says he could have been drinking since he was about 1 yr 8 mo old. I'm going to give him a beer and an apology as soon as I get home.

Gargilius replies

I barely dare to ask what you did to celebrate your dog's second and a half anniversary...

DIGGISRUNBYTHEGOVT says

I've never seen a 60 year old man run down a football field and back to catch a ball and run all the way back to retrieve it. How does this age thing get calculated anyways? :-)

Spacepope6 replies

Clearly you've never heard of Vinny Testaverde.

Dolphins evolve opposable thumbs

You've got to love the Onion. The dolphins have become the people of the ocean, and we must make our time. A quote from the fake story: "I believe I speak for the entire human race when I say, 'Holy fuck,'" said Dr. James Aoki. "That's it for us monkeys."

bicyclethief says

They like eating fish and squid. That is a weakness I believe we can exploit.

forthex says

What the FUCK! NO WAY!

*theonion.com*

God damn it!

obliviousfool says

Dolphins ...the only thing they can't do is play football.

Monkey blowjob

Well isn't that precious? That's one horny monkey.

Mooseka says

Don't act like you wouldn't be doing the same thing if you could

GeorgeStone2, apparently not the first George Stone, says

He's living the dream.

carbonetc says

So like us...

amanillaenvelope says

I bet it tastes like banana doesn't it.

kalleanka says

C'mon guys, I know you all have tried this at least once in your life and found out that you just can't do it...

They have to do THAT to reproduce!

No matter how bad your date last night was, just be thankful you aren't an anglerfish. In a cruel turn of events, the deep sea male must stalk some chick once it reaches maturity and bite her fin or else he will starve to death. The two fuse together, and the male is reduced to little more than a dangling sack of testicles that releases semen whenever the female deems she is ready to mate. Sexy.

nothreat33 says

The life of a male simplified.

sloetjes says

That's still better than my sex life.

Yes, I'm talking about you Susan.

riverrock replies

dont worry... there's plenty of fish in the sea

kmack says

Life finds a way... oh God, did I just use a Jurassic Park quote?

toeppen says

This happened to a college buddy of mine when he got married. Now he just shuttles his kids to various sports practices in a 1997 Chrysler Town & Country minivan. Poor guy never even saw it coming.