Dolphins evolve opposable thumbs

You've got to love the Onion. The dolphins have become the people of the ocean, and we must make our time. A quote from the fake story: "I believe I speak for the entire human race when I say, 'Holy fuck,'" said Dr. James Aoki. "That's it for us monkeys."

bicyclethief says

They like eating fish and squid. That is a weakness I believe we can exploit.

forthex says

What the FUCK! NO WAY!

*theonion.com*

God damn it!

obliviousfool says

Dolphins ...the only thing they can't do is play football.